Emotional child development in the 21st century

Emotional growth in children, especially, is important to build character, but also to help children deal with and navigate confusing and difficult emotions.
According to early childhood development blogger Hannah Meinke, emotions are what help people derive meaning from the world around them.
She further noted that without them, "we would experience life with the vibrancy of reading a technical manual on transmission repair. Our emotions – whether good or bad – provide a lot of excitement in life and there's still a lot about them that we don't know".
Researchers have been studying emotions for decades and still there are several questions that have been left unanswered.
That being said, we know that emotional development is key to living a healthy, prosperous life. The question now is what can be done to help facilitate this emotional growth in young children?
I asked parents and psychologists to tell me everything they know about this process and they had quite a bit to say.
According to full-time mom Diane Cloete*, it is very important to them as parents that their son, Josh* (4) has strong emotional development to help him cope in society.
"We have taught Josh from a very young age to be able to identify the emotions he feels and then how to have healthy coping skills as well as use the right words to express how he feels.
“It's important to us that he knows the difference between, anger, disappointment, frustration, etc.
“When he is angry, I would take him aside and ask him why he feels the way he feels. I would then give him options and tools to solve the issue. If he gets angry because he can't figure something out with school work, I would then ask him if he wants to take a break then we will get back to it when he finds the courage to try again,” she said.
“Children can quickly associate anger and frustration with a sense of failure. We want Josh to know that it’s okay to be angry but you can't lose yourself in that moment.”
So why is it important to focus on the emotional development of children?
Psychologists highlight that there are three major stages of emotional development in children to explore:
First, there’s noticing emotions. Psychologists state that there are several different theories around how emotions develop and how they function.
There are people who believe that there are only three main emotions: happiness, anger and fear.
During this stage of emotional development, a child might not know what they’re feeling, only that cuddles and kisses feel good and tummy ache feels bad.
Like Josh’s mom, many parents may opt for a calm approach, especially with their toddlers.
Confirmed by medical experts, fostering growth in this stage involves creating a safe, consistent environment, showing your emotions and encourage self-soothing, among other things.
Then there’s expressing emotions. During this stage, a child might start to experiment with different expressions of their emotions.
“As children develop a vocabulary and more independence, they will experiment with expressing emotion in new ways. Some of it will be productive, like drawing and narrating a picture of the scary monster under the bed. Some of it will be more like throwing a tantrum in the grocery store because they can't get cheese puffs.
This can be a very difficult stage for adults as children experience complex emotions but have not yet figured out healthy versus unhealthy expression,” Meinke further noted.
She said to allow your child the freedom to smoothly transition during this stage, it is important to stay calm when they aren't.
Single mom Sharon Brandt* said tantrums will happen during this stage.
“This is such a normal occurrence. Because a toddler sometimes doesn’t know how to effectively express their feelings, it becomes the duty of the parent to help and teach them better ways to deal with it.”
Nurturing this stage requires the parents to give their child language to explain how they’re feeling.
“Studies show that if a child can say ‘I'm angry’, or even better ‘I'm angry because he took my toy’, they can focus on putting words to their feelings rather than melting down. This can, in turn, help them feel more in control of their emotions.”
Lastly, provide positive reinforcement. The same way Josh’s mom praises him for using his words to express an emotion and allowing him to take a break from something that frustrates him, parents can encourage a culture of praise instead of allowing the child to, at an early age, associate most emotions with shame.
Managing emotions in your child is the last stage. Research shows that “sharing, listening and playing together can cause friction between children, and since they cannot rely on their parents all the time any more, they must develop new coping skills to manage on their own”.
Validating their feelings, giving them strategies and having realistic expectations are some of the tools researchers give parents to allow for growth during this stage.
It’s not rocket science to know that even adults struggle with noticing, expressing and managing their emotions. Meinke lastly said that, some days, you may need to encourage yourself, “but having a good emotional toolbox will make all the difference”.
“The process of emotional development is not a straight line. You could be the one to help children find the skills they need to fall back on when life gets tough, and, perhaps even better, you could show them just how meaningful life is when you pay attention to the way it makes your breath catch, your stomach turn and your heart race.”