Moving on from trauma

Trauma is not an intentional occurrence, and according to the American Psychological Association, trauma is the emotional reaction to a traumatic incident such as a car accident, rape or natural disaster.
Shock and denial are common reactions right after a traumatic experience, followed by unpredictable emotions, memories, strained relationships and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea, which are some of the longer-term responses. In most cases, victims are in denial and most are unaware that what they are going through is going to cause some sort of trauma in their lives once they eventually figure out and understand what they went through.
Uda Gawachab, a registered social worker from the Health Professional Council of Namibia, explained that there isn’t a fixed method of dealing with victims of traumatic experiences because there are different types of trauma and they are effects of different events.
“The way I will treat a rape client is not the same way I will treat a car accident patient.” She said it is important for individuals who suffer from traumatic experiences to visit a psychologists or even social workers.
Dealing with trauma on your own can be excruciating and extremely difficult and the best way to deal with it is through psychological assistance. Gawachab explained that as a part of the healing process from trauma, she uses activities and mechanisms that include the human five senses for patients to deal with their trauma. “Be mindful, it is important to be aware of your thoughts and stay off social media.”
She also commonly works on assessing the five senses with trauma patients by touching something soft, tasting something wonderful that you like to eat, listening to a podcast, music or something soothing, smelling some aromatic candles and so forth as mechanism to calm the individual down and once you’ve reached that calmness, journal your feelings. “Journaling is one of the best ways to assess your thoughts,” she said.
A victim who chose to remain anonymous tells their share of a traumatic experience they are still dealing with after 10 years of the incident. “I had a cousin who moved to Windhoek to stay with us and he, my brother and I grew very close at some point. Until one night when he had asked me to sleep with him. At the time I did not consider it to be a problem because he is my cousin and it was not that deep, I thought to myself. That same night he asked me if I knew what sex was and I said I don’t know, because these are not really things we were allowed to speak about as children.
“That went on for about a week and the following week he started becoming more persistent and he started off by showing me porn and told me not to tell anyone, but of course I told my brother and he said it’s most probably a lie.
“The following month my cousin started to execute his actions and molested me, where he would make me touch his private area and make me do all sorts of unmentionable things that I know very well I wasn’t supposed to do at that age and, of course, as a child I felt this is not okay but he made it seem to me like it was okay and this went on for so long.
“Eventually, the day came where he asked me to sleep on his bed and he did it, he officially penetrated me and I feel like that was the day I knew that what happened was not really supposed to happen like that because he gave me N$5 for chips.
“The next day, he disappeared and I always wondered why did this man disappear when he used to teach me so much that will ‘help me grow’, as he used to emphasise.” The victim continues to display emotions of disappointment while expressing that, “I feel like my parents were supposed to be more observant and see what is actually going on”.
They said they would always cry and talk to their parents and mention the occasion in the form of jokes but they would just laugh and the victim expressed that that made them feel like they could not really share much with their parents.
In instances of childhood trauma, especially when the patient is still really young, Gawachab explains that involving a person they trust assists with dealing with helping the patient heal from the trauma. In most cases, she approaches the parents with the consent of the patient.
“I like to use love languages, and I ask them how do they love and what their love languages are so that they can love each other within their love languages, and with that the emotional healing starts.”
In terms of gender-based violence, especially amongst kids, the perpetrator is often known, which brings us back to the activity of love languages, emotional healing and forming a bond with a family member, teacher or friend to create and allow for a space of trust which will make the patient comfortable enough to share the identity of the perpetrator and unlock the next level of healing.
In most cases, individuals who have been through a traumatic experience struggle to openly discuss it and prefer to keep it to themselves and consequently suffer the long-term effects from not efficiently dealing with trauma. There have, of course, been individuals who have seen social workers and therapists and were not satisfied or comfortable with therapists or social worker assigned. Gawachab explained that: “As a social worker, counsellor or therapist, you are supposed to know that it is a working alliance, and if you do not do the step that you are supposed to do when you start your session, you might just end up harming your client and the relationship.”
She added that effective communication in a counselling session is important and if that aspect of the session fails, everything else will follow suit. However, she encouraged that when you encounter a therapist or social worker that is not to your satisfaction, do not give up there.
“...Get up and visit another therapists or social worker who is up to your standard.” She also emphasised that “it is okay to tell your counsellor that you are not comfortable with a certain method they are using. You are allowed to speak up.”
Healing is important and understanding your pain is important and once you understand your pain and you learn to love yourself through your pain, you heal faster and encourage others around you to move on from it as well. However, it is just as important to tap into your emotions and grieve, take the time to get over what has upset you.